How Do I Know What Truly Matters to Me?

The Problem

Life moves fast. Work, family, responsibilities, constant notifications — it feels like the world is always pulling you in different directions.

And in the middle of it all, you start to wonder:

Am I actually living by my own priorities… or just reacting to everyone else’s?

You check off tasks, meet deadlines, say yes when asked, and still end the day exhausted but unfulfilled. It’s like running hard on a treadmill but never moving forward.

The question isn’t whether you’re busy. The question is: Are you busy with the things that truly matter to you?

The Hidden Pattern

Dr. John DeMartini describes values not as abstract moral concepts, but as the priorities of your mind — the things you naturally make time, space, energy, and money for.

Think about it:

• What consistently fills your space (your desk, your home, your screen)?
• What activities fill your calendar and never get skipped?
• What do you willingly spend your energy and money on?

These aren’t random choices. They reveal what you truly value — not what you say is important, but what your life shows is important.

Without clarity on your values, life feels scattered. You end up adopting someone else’s blueprint: your boss’s urgency, your family’s expectations, society’s definition of success. But when you know your values, your daily actions align with who you really are.

Why This Matters

Every decision is a reflection of priorities. If you don’t set them yourself, the world will set them for you.

When you live by your values:

• You feel energized rather than drained.
• You make decisions more easily, with less guilt or second-guessing.
• You create a life that feels aligned, not random.

The real shift comes when you stop asking, “What should I do?” and start asking, “Does this align with my highest values?”

Practical Exercise (The Values Test)

Take a notebook and answer DeMartini’s guiding questions:

1. Space — What consistently fills your personal space, and what does it represent to you?
2. Time — What activities consistently fill your time, and how do they serve you?
3. Energy — What activities do you put the most energy into, and what gives you energy back?
4. Money — What do you consistently spend money on, and how does it serve you?

Patterns will emerge. Circle the themes that repeat across space, time, energy, and money. That’s your personal hierarchy of values — your mind’s true priorities.

Example (A Story of Change)

Let me tell you about Marc.

For years, he said his biggest priority was “family and stability.” But when he looked closely, his daily actions told a different story. His space was filled with trading books, podcasts, and crypto charts. His time went into researching markets, listening to financial psychology talks, and joining online groups. His money went into education and investments.

At first, he felt guilty — “Shouldn’t I be spending more time with family?” But then it clicked: his real highest value was financial freedom, because for him, freedom meant he could eventually support and show up for his family in the way he truly wanted.

Once he embraced this truth instead of fighting it, everything aligned. He stopped spreading himself thin and started focusing on building sustainable habits around money, health, and resilience. And instead of feeling conflicted, he felt energized — because his actions finally matched his real priorities.

The Bottom Line

Your values aren’t what you wish they were. They’re what your life already reveals.

When you see them clearly, you stop comparing yourself to others, stop living by “shoulds,” and start making choices that feel natural and aligned.

Your values are your compass. Follow them, and your life stops feeling like someone else’s plan.

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